Can a 14 year old handle having making their own decisions? Can an 8 year old make their own meal? Or be trusted at home alone?

There is no answer to these questions because they are dependent on the person, not the age, though I can predict the answers of the masses. No, no and most likely no – respectively. When in truth a 14 year old is quite capable of making their own decisions, depending on how responsible they are; an 8 year old could make their own meal, even if it’s simply KD as long as they have been taught well enough to be trusted around a stove; and any kid who understands why they must follow certain rules when home alone can stay home alone.

For that matter, I am a 17 year old running a magazine with people anywhere from 14 to 24 working on it. If I was to stereotype as everyone else does, I’d say I was crazy. So, I ask: Is it really age that matters? The way I see it, people – especially parents – are getting way too paranoid, and this is causing their children to be dependent and immature.

They have a right to be that way. The news gives them more reasons to be every day – but they are alive and able to take care of themselves – their kids are alive but have been so well taken care of they’d never know how to do it for themselves.

My job at the moment consists of taking care of kids after school, until their parents can come pick them up. These kids range in age from 5 to 13. Many of them live within walking distance of their school – I don’t know about you, but if I had a 10 year old living that close to school, I’d give them a house key and some rules and let them be home alone for an hour. Mind you, if my kid was like most of the kids in this program – unable to make their own decisions because they’ve always had decisions made for them – I wouldn’t. These kids are used to having all their problems solved by someone other than them the moment they complain. When I was younger I solved my problems on my own – it was up to the counsellor or my parents to intervene if they noticed there was a problem. If my brother took a ball I had been playing with, I was more likely to chase him and take it back than I was to go to an adult and whine. Now, when I’m working, I have someone complaining that one kid did this or another kid did that every time I turn around.

On the other hand, some of these kids would be better off with a babysitter for that hour when their parents aren’t around. They’re so used to having attention all the time. There’s one who repeatedly complains that he has injured himself one way or another, just to get attention. He will get up on the play structure (which is two feet tall), look at the nearest counsellor to make sure she’s watching, and then jump off and start crying and saying that he hurt his knee. So, of course, we take him over to the bench and get him to sit down – notice as always that there’s nothing wrong – and then tell him it will be better if he just sits out for a while. He soon decides he’s bored with this act and goes back to playing.

When I was his age – and to this day – if I got hurt I’d jump back up and continue with what I was doing. If someone noticed me limping, I’d humour them for a while – all the while complaining that I was fine and didn’t need their attention, not that I was hurt. I just wanted to get back to my game.

In Ontario, Canada, the age laws seem to go against each other. You can move out when you’re 16, you can vote when you’re 18 and you can drink and buy cigarettes at 19 – but you have the right to hide your medical information from your parents at 14, when legal age of consent is 16. Every year I hear people complaining that these ages should either be higher or lower. To me, none of them make sense.

The drinking and smoking age I can agree with, but it doesn’t matter. Personally, I am not guilty of any of them, but plenty of people I know were drinking in grade 6 and have been smoking for who knows how long. What’s the use of setting an age for these things if people do it openly and frequently anyways? Some of their parents even allow them to drink and will buy them alcohol. As for smoking, it’s not illegal to smoke when you’re under 19; it’s illegal for stores to sell you cigarettes. Anyone can immediately find plenty of ways to get around that.

The age of consent, I have no opinion on, but if that is 16, why would you be allowed to hide your medical records at 14? I know, it’s so you’ll be compelled to tell your doctor the truth. I never told my doctor the truth, and still haven’t. It may not be in my best interests – but I never believed her.

“Lauren, are you sexually active? I won’t tell your parents.” Honestly, what kid is going to believe that? If the answer is yes, which it might be, would they actually answer yes? I automatically answered all her questions “no” and probably will until I get married. This is explained by the inherent fear that parents will find out – even knowing the law, knowing the doctor can’t tell them. Parents are stereotyped as having that sixth sense that lets them know everything.

Kids who are in group homes because of mental problems also have a right, if they are older than 14, to keep everything they know about their condition from their parents. Imagine. You could not live with your child because he or she has actually gotten to the point of being a hazard to the rest of the family. It was never your choice; they were taken away for your mental or physical health. And now you don’t even know if they’re making any progress, if they’ll ever be able to come home, or even the smallest detail about what’s wrong with them – because the child will not agree to release their medical records to you.

So, do ages for all these things really make sense? Personally, I have never put weight in age – I treat everyone equally until given a reason to do otherwise – as a result, I treat people according to maturity, not age. Which way do you think is better?

~Lauren Rizzotto, Lauren.Rizzotto@theguthan.com